Confidence Gap: Overcome Fear & Self-Doubt

Enjoying the Read. If you want change you need take action and not just Read the book but do the exercises. It helps you take fear and use it for your growth.

This book has had an incredible impact on my mental health. My therapist recommended it, and I am simply amazed at how effective ACT therapy is. About halfway through the book, my anxiety issues melted away as my relationship with it transformed into something I never thought possible. I highly recommend you stop and do the exercises as you go along, they are very meaningful and will help guide your experience through the reading. I am now best friends with my fear and anxiety, and life has never been better! This book teaches you to stop fighting with fear, anxiety or depression and start using these sensations to fuel a better life! Everyone has these feelings and emotions everyday, it’s those who have figured out that fighting them only makes it worse and instead focus on building a relationship with them are truly happy. The size of your mind is infinite, there is room for all of your feelings and emotions to coexist peacefully and focus on what matters right in front of you. Get this book, and good luck on your journey!

I’m a junior in college, well off, and in no sort of life-trouble. I’ve just never had confidence in myself. I never felt like I was ready to take charge of my life, have never dated, and was always one of the awkward kids who couldn’t socialize with new people because my throat would fail to open and my tongue twists on itself every 3 words or so. I was fine with friends and family, most of the time at least (sometimes my parents made me ashamed of myself, despite them doing a single thing or saying a single word. I would simply anxiously think to myself “my parents probably even think I’m weird.”)

3 days ago I felt I had hit some sort of rock bottom level of motivation and simultaneously had the highest levels of generalized anxiety I had ever felt. I have always had some degree of anxiety since my teenage years or maybe even earlier, but recently I felt like I was losing control of my mind, losing control of the voice inside my head. Any efforts I made to improve my mental condition were met with self-doubt, I would give up on my efforts, and my confidence would drop even lower. I recognized that I was at a point where I had the potential to spiral into a depression, because my anxiety was beginning to rise at an exponential rate.

I must admit I haven’t read a book in years. I’m too lazy, reading is too boring, I don’t like being told what to do, etc. All of these types of thoughts were preventing me from ever doing it, but I still passed through classes easily somehow, never improving my work ethic, or feeling proud of accomplishing something like reading a book.

Well, I read this book in 3 days. One day I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep, at approx 6 am. I get up at 11 or later most of the time so this was waaaay to early to get things done. But I couldn’t fall back asleep and then my feelings of anxiety as usual just switched back on. Immediately I was just done with that feeling. It was getting worse, after all.

I went on Amazon, searched for “confidence books”, found this one, didn’t read any reviews but saw it had a good rating, bought it for Kindle, put it on my tablet, and started reading. It was a book that I trusted myself to at least open, and as soon as I did, I read some interesting stuff. I first read about how we are NOT our thoughts, we aren’t all the culminations of the demands and actions of a dictator inside our head. Like some sort of mental trap, we have stuck ourselves in cycling lies such as a false understanding of motivation (“I’m waiting until I feel motivated to start running.”), a false understanding of confidence (“I’m waiting until I feel confident before I try dating.”), and a false understanding of fear (“I need to be fearless when I go up on that stage.”)

I’m trying to stop myself from typing too much. I’m just so excited, because something I have never thought I would ever type into some sort of product review is, this has turned my life around. I redefined my understanding of confidence, have practiced the well researched psychologist-backed methods for defusing from your own thoughts to fully focus on what the senses and what is happening in the present, and finally I can see some sort of path towards improving my confidence. I am not saying after reading the book I am immediately super confident and can make myself do whatever I want to to improve my life, I’m saying I now have the tools and enough understanding of the human psyche that I can actually feel some sort of direction in my life.

I fully committed to what the book said. I was always a person who would just skip the details in most tasks. I didn’t even read books before. But somehow, before I was reading the book, I had that stroke of anger, about my anxiety, that I felt propelled me into taking action, not this book specifically. But, thanks to specifically this book, I now know how I can CAUSE this to happen, not wait. Because I made an effort while using Russ’s methods, and after I recognized that through his writing itself he was actually teaching us the basics of defusing from your thoughts (which blew my mind by the way, thank you Russ), I got totally engaged and focused in the book, and then the book taught me about focus itself, and how all we have to do to be focused and have to peak performance is to defuse and be mindful, and now it’s just like everything makes sense. My head is clear. I didn’t stop my thoughts, that’s not what it’s about. It is about truly understand that, once again, we are NOT our thoughts.

Last I will mention, without shame, that I had tried using drugs and alcohol to cope with anxiety over the course of about 2 years. This had definitely contributed to making my anxiety worse. I say without shame because I can now admit that I know it was wrong to use them to try and improve my confidence. It was wrong not because I was using illicit substances but because I had believed it to be the answer, and to believe the answer to improving my mentality and attitude towards myself was anything other than taking actual actions was one of the wrongest wrongs I have ever had commited in my life.

Now I am moving on. I have properly set goals for myself, like “jog 30 mins tonight”, not “be the confident attractive beast you always dreamed of being.” And if my mind tells me not to do it, and I can clearly tell that not doing it would not help me, then I have the tools to work around the feelings of discomfort and thoughts of “I can’t do it.”. And I will keep using these tools in other parts of life, parts I have not yet delved into.

I read a book for the first time in 3 years, and now I feel great.

I found this book at a time I was struggling with self-confidence issues and the relentless unhelpful chatter of my brain. This book is easy to follow with no jargon you have to Google and plenty of real-life, relatable examples. There are many great exercises too!

I can truly say this book has set me on a new path. It’s taught me to see my brain for what it is, an organ that produces endless thoughts. By practicing the exercises I learned to ‘defuse’ and step back to see thoughts for what they are – pictures and words. They’re no-longer driving my behaviour on autopilot.

If this sounds interesting or useful, this book is for you. If your brain is saying this sounds like too much work / I’m fine / it’s probably not for me – this book is for you.

Mr Harris book is fine. As always it is much more difficult to follow the advice than read it. I wish it had some more practical exercises and advice . And letting your thoughts pass by like cars sounds good but very often this can be dangerous especially if they suddenly drive you too much down. So the unhook thing sounds good but needs practice and hard work . Anyway, I will try using some of the advice .